Rant of the Loon: 02/01/2006

RANT OF THE LOON - ADVENTURES IN THE LOONEYSPHERE


	Tuesday, February 21, 2006 Dead or Alive Osama bin Laden says: "You'll never take me alive, copper!" Okey-dokey. No prob. Let's mail that slob in on a slab. What's he thinking? There are a lot of people who would love to see him cold and stiff and leave him without the opportunity to spew one more hateful word in his own defense. Most people are ambiguous in both their good and their evil, but every now and then you get one downright evil motherfucker, and that's what he is. Sorry for the language for my gentler readers, but sometimes only one word works. You'll never take me alive. Oh, great, we were really worried about that. I can't think of anyone who wouldn't be satisfied well enough if they had to put his arse back together like a jigsaw puzzle to bury it up. Maybe he can just off himself and leave directions with the official Al-Qaeda press corps... erm, I mean, Al-Jazeera. Someone can go scrape him up and bottle him up, call it a day. Then on to the next wacko. Yeah, I'm not all that proud of my attitude either, but I'm not gonna sit here and lie either. *Posted by Looney @ 12:41 AM* Monday, February 20, 2006 No Choice but to Steal Because I'm not POPular. I don't get tagged. Ever. So I have to steal. I'll hang out with the popular kids anyway and follow them around the playground, even after they threaten me and beat me up, cuz I wanna be just like them. Oops, crap, should've saved that one for therapy. Anyway, I'm doing this meme cause I freakin' wanna, and I'm not tagging anybody because nobody tagged me (not THAT Nobody.) MEME 1: Black and White or Color; how do you prefer your movies? Color, although On the Waterfront is one of my very faves. 2: What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death? Shooze 3: MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: what is your favorite medium for prerecorded music? MP3. I love my iPod. I'm going to have it surgically implanted. 4: You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going ... Ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run? No way! But if I actually did... I'd be in Ireland. (Just in case I do, now y'all know where to find me without me telling or looking. Unsettling thought: what if they don't bother? LOL.) 5: Seriously, what do you consider the world's most pressing issue now? Religious Extremism 6: How would you rectify the world's most pressing issue? Give every freakin' wacko nutjob a big ol' chill pill. 7: You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be? Go to college and get my Music Composition degree 8: You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be? The Holocaust. Copying Mark and UV, but so what? 9: A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole' Opry --Which do you choose? Ooh, a night at the opera. It's been a long time. 10: What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you'd like to solve? Kennedy. Solve that one for good and all the conspiracy nonsense crap goes up in smoke. 11: One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal? Well, you didn't specify, so if time/death is no obstacle, I'd say John Steinbeck. If they have to be living... well... probably Richard Ford... or maybe Stephen King :) Meal? Steinbeck: Kielbasa stir fry Ford: Jambalaya King: BBQ'd Tri Tip 12: You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky -- what's the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact? Nothing. Just the opposite. If this is all there is, then my closest human relationships are all that matter, and I'd want to make the most of each one, esp. my marriage. Not that I'm not doing that already, but it might add to my sense of urgency :) Okay, no tags. Move along. Nothing to see here. *Posted by Looney @ 11:35 AM* Tuesday, February 14, 2006 More Hysterical Madness Oh boy, the protesting nutjobs are at it again. This latest article cracked me up. I didn't mean for it to do so, but it did. Check it out: We HATE Chicken! Now, did you catch that second paragraph? Security forces fired into the air as they struggled to contain the unrest in the eastern city of Lahore, where protesters burned down four buildings housing a hotel, two banks, a KFC restaurant and the office of a Norwegian cell phone company, Telenor. LOL, they trashed a KFC! Perfect. A public service, that! Where the hell were they last year when I got food poisoning at the local KFC? Gawd, I would love to have drawn a pic of the prophet gorging at the local KFC if it would have gotten those nuts to burn it down that day. Sorry, but I just can't sympathize with these violent mobs. I know Zen thinks they were provoked. Sure, maybe provoked to write some letters, even boycott Dutch products. But running amok, burning, vandalizing, rioting? No, not in any sense of reason. And I'm afraid I can't bring myself to sympathize with the reason they're upset. They've been burning and desecrating our most beloved symbols for years, and now we're supposed to be sorry somebody drew a cartoon of their poor widdle pwophet? Bull*t, I say, and far too much of it. I think the one thing Zen and I might agree on in this (and he'll correct me, because I'm always wrong) is that this is what you get when you have impoverished, undereducated societies run with an iron fist by the religious right. Posted by Looney @ 11:00 AM Saturday, February 11, 2006 I Believe I Can Fly I'm a sucker for the Olympic Games, Summer or Winter. I watch nearly all of the coverage throughout the two weeks, TiVo nearly every broadcast so I can at least scan through it. Apparently the marquee event is figure skating. I like figure skating. The other biggies? Alpine skiing, Snowboarding (these days anyway), speed skating. I love all of those. But if I could only pick one event, I would gladly skip every minute of every other event to just watch Ski Jumping. The other sports take place on the snow or the ice. Sure, they catch a little air here and there, but they're all on the ground. The ski jumpers fly. They fly to win. If they don't fly, they lose. They fly down the hillside at astounding heights, the distance of a football field on the small hill, much further on the big hill. The body splayed out, tiny movements of the hands to stabilize, skis spread out in the "Flying V" created accidentally by Swede Jan Bokloev and quickly adopted by jumpers in the 80's (anyone remember Matty Nykanen, the "Flying Finn?") driving the old form quickly into oblivion. They soar with a razor-sharp grace. Sometimes it seems the best jumper will float on forever down the hill. Every now and then one of them slides perfectly into a Telemark landing, arms out, one knee down. Yeah, they earn bonus points, but it's more like frosting on the cake, the athlete saying to everyone, "I've got it all under control, every inch of the way, baby." This morning I enjoyed the Nordic combined, which includes jumping on the small hill. I almost didn't care who won overall after the cross country. I just wanted to watch them jump. Tonight is the individual small hill competition. I can't wait. I think at the end of my life that I won't have very many regrets. I've made my choices and life has been very good to me. However, one regret I may have is that I've never soared through the air 300 feet downhill on a couple of wooden planks. Oh, to fly. Go ahead and watch your downhill skiing and speedskating and figure skating. It will be fun. For me, I'll spend the next two weeks dreaming of flight, soaring vicariously through people whose names I can barely pronounce, but whose brief, thrilling journeys will give me chills like no other sport. Posted by Looney @ 2:58 PM Wednesday, February 08, 2006 It's Hard to be Loved by Idiots I'm simply amazed at the people crying for appeasement of the rioting throngs. Really. Since when does the press ever ratchet down its rhetoric? Since when does the satirist have to check his sarcasm? Since when does criticism require approval of the criticized? Muslims Run Amok These Muslims are not demonstrating because of their personal convictions so much as answering the call of the extremist instigators who are inciting them far beyond the scope of reason. Reason... heh. Reason can't be found within a thousand miles of these throngs. One things these hard core Muslims have GOT to learn is what many (maybe even most, but certainly not all) Christians have had to learn over here. Ready? You CANNOT expect people who do not adhere to your religion to behave in accordance with your religion. Period. Furthermore, if you are going to behave like a senseless, immoral, murderous brute in the name of your "religion," then observers are free to characterize your religion and its figures based on the image you project. Furthermore, if your practice of your religion is disrespectful (especially violently so) of the individual rights of others, to the point of infringing on those rights, then you have no right to expect respect for you or your religion in return. Put another way, when you start knocking down buildings, blowing up innocents, planting roadside bombs, and sawing the heads off of reporters in the name of your religion, well, then fuck you and your religion too. Don't burn our symbols and flags, then expect us to respect yours. You have no right to our respect. These throngs are sadly misled and mindless, and made so by the very culture they think they are defending. The title above comes from the last paragraph of the cited story. Well said, little French dude, whoever you may be... Posted by Looney @ 3:02 PM Tuesday, February 07, 2006 Hide the Women and Children...Well, the Children Anyway Hey, Mikey, he likes it! Am I the only one that thinks this is about as creepy as it gets? Did Bernard Law have anything to do with this? Let's see, I'm the dude who controls the "rights" to these prayers (jeez, that's another whole post right there.) I'm aware, as everyone else is, that the church is trying to recover from a crisis of confidence because a number of priests seem to like "playing" with little boys. Now, these prayers are not just any prayers. They are the prayers of the most beloved Pope in many years, perhaps centuries. So I'm going to go ahead and sell the rights to some guy who's going to put 'em to music. Michael Jackson? You've got to be kidding. Why not O.J. Simpson? Robert Blake? Okay, so they probably can't sing worth crap, but at least there's not that creepy pedophile connection there. Hey! We're the Catholic Church and we're nothing if not consistent! I'm sorry, but Michael is probably the guiltiest, freakiest guy ever to walk free. Okay, maybe excepting O.J. and Baretta. Posted by Looney @ 12:26 AM Monday, February 06, 2006 Better than Garlic Ten Top Trivia Tips about Anthony Toohey! Fifty-two percent of Americans drink Anthony Toohey! The only Englishman to become Anthony Toohey was Nicholas Breakspear, who was Anthony Toohey from 1154 to 1159! In 1982 Time Magazine named Anthony Toohey its 'Man of the Year'! Birds do not sleep in Anthony Toohey, though they may rest in him from time to time. Until the 1960s, Anthony Toohey was not allowed to enter Disneyland! Anthony Toohey will always turn right when leaving a cave! People used to believe that dressing their male children as Anthony Toohey would protect them from evil spirits. Olive oil was used for washing Anthony Toohey in the ancient Mediterranean world. Oranges, lemons, watermelons, pineapples and Anthony Toohey are all berries! Anthony Toohey is actually a fruit, not a vegetable. I am interested in - do tell me about Hahaha, Got this from Dr Zen Posted by Looney @ 9:12 PM**