Wednesday, December 27, 2006

What? No Pictures?

December 26 is always a fun day for me. For years now my family has resorted to getting me gift cards from Borders, Barnes & Noble, or the Capitola Book Cafe. I have a tendency to just buy books whenever, wherever, on a whim, so gift cards are safe.

So there I am in the Borders in Santa Cruz. Having taken care of a couple exchanges, it is "me" time. I haven't read much fantasy in the last three or four years, and lately have been on a minor kick for it. I'm perusing the stacks, and as I reach the M's & N's, there is a couple (have no idea of status, friends, lovers, siblings?) near the T's.

Now, never mind that one or both of them radiated some strong B.O. in a 9 foot radius. I'm above all that. Right.

She points out the Tolkien books.

You know, The Lord of the Rings? Pretty good book, really, no?

The youngish blond lady tells her portly S.O., "These are terrible. They are way too confusing. You have no idea what anything means. The movies were good, because you could see what they were talking about. But when he writes some name, you don't know if it's a person, or a place, or a weapon, or some law."

No, I kid you not. Actual quote.

Then she added the coup de grace.

"How can you know what he's talking about without the pictures to help you?"

I'm sorry, lady, but I have one question for you and your buddy:

What the FUCK are you doing in the SciFi and Fantasy section? In fact, what are you doing in a bookstore at all? Shouldn't you be at the video store? Oh, what am I thinking? You can go to the other side of Borders and find lots of piccies.

It was everything I could do not to bitch-slap her. I had an urge to buy the trilogy for the fella and tell him to just freakin' read it and don't listen to her.

Sure, it's not the most transcendant piece of literature in the world, but among the fantasy genre, it's still a work of art.

Pictures... indeed!

Frodo Lives!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Another MeMe

1. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?

Closed. Kids wander.

2. What was the weather like on your graduation day?

Beautiful and sunny.

3. What kind of winter coat do you own?

A few: A Raiders jacket with a hood, a jacket with my work logo that is very comfy, and a Ben Davis black trench coat, which I don't think they make anymore.

4. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?

This morning.

5. Where do you keep your change?

Little change pocket above right jeans pocket.

6. Describe your keychains?

Car remote and kangaroo shaped bottle-opener that has become an everything-tool.

7. What is your favorite flavor of jelly?

Probably strawberry, and prefer jam to jelly...

8. Some things you are excited about?

Christmas. Love Christmas. My son's progress in karate. The upcoming work year looks good. My screenplay is going pretty well and I'm hoping to get it in circulation early this year... other things.

9. Do you re-use towels after you shower?


10. Have you ever been in a planetarium?

Yeah, in Reno, NV.

11. Have you ever received one of those big tins with three kinds of popcorn?

Every year. Yum. I love stale buttered popcorn.

12. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?

No way. Yuck. Crusty.

13. Any plans for Friday night?

Yeah, my brother and his fiancee are planning some sort of get-together.

14. What is out your back door?

Patio with loud, stupid, yip dog on it.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've ever had?

Wisdom teeth. All four. Ow.

16. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?

Uh, no. In the snow? Uhhhh, maybe?

17. Who did you lose your concert virginity to?

Soul Asylum *note to self: read carefully...

18. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?


19. How many different beverages have you had today?

Three, Coke Zero, Coca-Cola, Lemonade.

20. Last thing you recieved in the mail?

My new copy of Fritz 10.

21. Have you had to take out a loan for school?

For me, no. Didn't finish college. For my wife, yes. Just paid it off last year. Only took ten years, LOL.

22. Do you have any famous ancestors?

Me? No. My wife? Ben Franklin, the Coffins, Starbucks, Macy, Folgers, etc., from Nantucket. If you've read Moby Dick, the characters and names in there are based on her distant relatives.

23. Your prom night?

No prom. Winter formal, with woman who is now my wife. Quite fun, but not worth repeating. Those just aren't out sort of parties.

24. Do you know all the words to the song on your MySpace profile?

No. It's a song by Eric Whitacre, and I don't remember all the lyrics.

24. Are you any good at math?

Yeah, quite, but I don't enjoy math too much.

25. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?

Sitting my six-year-old in the naughty chair.

26. What were you doing this morning at 8 AM?

Getting ready for church.

27. When was the last time you shaved?


28. Explain what ended your last relationship.

Hmmm? I was fourteen. That was 25 years ago. She was a weirdo, but she dumped me, which makes me even more of a weirdo, or too normal.

Okay, that was kinda dumb.

Friday, December 15, 2006

What Have I DONE!

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swum with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and seen the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Taken a midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs (I should though!)
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Received flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sung loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Written articles for a large publication
106. Lost 100 pounds (close to it)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

Your turn. Take the list, put everything you HAVE done in BOLD.

Bye now...


It's about me, dummy!!!


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