Well, let's do some quick catching up.
My Dad did die, in fact I did have to make that decision shortly after that last writing. I never got around to eulogizing him here. Maybe I will when I've better processed losing him. It's been nearly 8 months and I'm just not there yet.
Lost a couple other people, near and far. My Uncle Frankie's widow, Toni lost her brother a couple weeks later, crushed under a car he was trying to repair. My neighbor lost their 20 year old daughter to a brain tumor... Well, that's enough of that.
Life is like that. Findings and losses, victories and defeats, tragedies and triumphs. You don't get to separate them. You find them climbing on each others' backs for your attention. You don't get to enjoy or suffer them in isolation. You go from feeling kicked in the teeth to euphoria, pulled and pushed at the same moment. You probably linger on the item feeding the euphoria because the other is too painful. Yet when the euphoria wears off, the pain is still there to deal with. If you're lucky you've found a little bit of perspective that will make the pain easier to bear, or at least give you a little added strength to stand up under it.
The company I work for is, for the most part, a really good company to work for. Forgetting the "in this economy" crapphrase that I'm so tired of hearing, it's still a good company to work for. That said, we're not without our problems. At the same time that I felt my own production team was kicking my teeth in with a lack of communciation and follow through (notice I said "felt," truth is we've got a lot of growing pains and they're doing a bang-up job) I got word that my sales in the first quarter were high enough to win me a trip for my wife and I to Hawai'i this summer. So I'm really pissed and really delighted at the same time.
Actually, now I'm over the pissed part, because we've begun dealing with those issues in what I would call a constructive, long-term way, but I'm still going to Hawai'i in July.
We attended a cancer benefit concert last Friday in Berkeley in the name of my late brother-in-law, Dino. It was a beautiful party/concert. Dino's old band played, his dad and brother joined in on a couple songs, his mom and dad got up to speak to us, and they apparently raised over $6,500 dollars to benefit cancer research. We also got totally hammered, but that's a fringe benefit.
Yet the next day, when we went to see Theresa's mom, she was bawling, because she misses him so terribly. We all shared some tears together. You can't separate them, you know.
Life is like that.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I'm Still Here
Yeah, I'm still here. Between work and the current madness I've just not been able, nor had much heart, to post.
You see, my dad is dying now, as we speak. Just a few days after Dino's service, he called me to say he'd been diagnosed with advanced liver disease (cirrhosis) and needed a liver transplant.
As sons ought to do, I talked it over with him and with his doctor, then got papers drawn up by a lawyer, all that power-of-attorney stuff, y'know. Dad was more than happy to sign it all. He's always needed a lot of looking after, and had no qualms about taking full advantage of his neediness. Well, that was my little cynical streak talking in the midst of caring about him and loving him.
I was concerned with all of the details of getting him into and through the candidates process. When your liver shuts down, a lot of nasty things happen inside you. We had to get him into an extended care facility, a rest home of sorts, because stuff would keep happening to his body that required constant supervision, which he didn't really have at home.
Home. He's been living with his sister, bless her heart. She lets him stay there out of love and caring, and he's really not very grateful. The man is destitute. Everything he has besides a few pieces of furniture is the $100 bill and his latest paltry social security check I'm using to open up a bank account for him. I had intended to use it to get his mess of bills in order and set up a little allowance for him. Now we're probably going to be using it toward his funeral expenses.
Fortunately he spent just enough time in the army to be eligible for a range of VA benefits, and he's 65, so he gets Medicare, otherwise who knows where he'd be right now.
They're going to try another couple things over the next 48 hours. The likelihood of them working is severely low. I live 4 hours away, and after spending several days there, then coming home to take care of that front, I'll be up again on Thursday and, barring a miraculous turnaround probably need to make the decision to let him go with some peace and dignity.
Then write my third eulogy in less than two months.
I feel like this has become the Death Blog.
I hope he somehow finds a way to survive. Whatever he does, I hope this season is about over, because I really just want to take the time to blog about some little things of little significance, like movies and cupcakes and whatever.
Please?
Posted by Looney @ 4:54 PM