Friday, May 20, 2005

It's Time I Had Some Time Alone

Armageddon. The End of Days. The End Times. Apocalypse.

It's the end of the world as we know it.

Yes, I feel fine.

NBC recently showed Revelations amid a lot of hype and decent ratings. The Discovery Channel has been showing "Supervolcano," a rather disturbing Crichton-esque dramatization of what could happen should the Yellowstone Volcano erupt. The Left Behind series is selling better than Big Macs in the American Heartland. It seems an asteroid is narrowly missing a cataclysmic impact with earth every couple of months or so (isn't it delightful how after the fact the scientists go, "Whoowee, that was a close 'un?") Terror attacks, wars, genocide, nuclear proliferation, and need I mention a massive tsunami rounding out the Christmas season last year?

Is the world coming to an end? Oh, sure, eventually.

But honestly, the convergence of little details, while an exercise in spurious speculation, is still an enticing bit of conversation. The timing of indicators from divergent sources makes speculating about the End of All Things a little more, erm, interesting.

Will we see that Mark of the Beast soon? A one-world monetary system where nobody has cash, we all just have an identifier tattoo on our hands or forehead so we can just walk into the store, grab what we want and walk out, while everything just scans and debits our account. Will there be a consolidation of nationalities under a one-world government, an outgrowth of the UN and European Union? Will Babylon become the center of the world once more? Will really freaky angels ride giant horses and make a general mess of the planet? Will believers really shoot through the sunroof and up into the air? Will the Yellowstone volcano go off and cover half the US in volcanic ash? Will the poles really flip over in December of 2012 and cause a new ice age and human extinction? Will I still be able to find Levi's in my size when rooting through the ruins of old Costco and Gap stores? Will famine starve 2/3 of the world's population? Will Al-Qaeda set off nukes in every major Western city? Will fish sticks become the official food of the unified earth? Will Jormungand really thrash about so as to flood the nations and wipe out humanity (well, except for that one lucky dude left with the one happy little chick.) Will Bill and Ted usher in a world of peace? Will I be able to find 12 good ears of corn without any rotten spots?

Okay, I've gone off the wire here. I think I'll live for today, but I wish you would put your end of the world theories in the comments below.

After all, it could be today :-)


It's about me, dummy!!!


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